Old Stuff

Jake is out of town hanging out with his Army buddies for his monthly drill.  All the kids are in bed.  House Hunters International isn't on.  It is nights like this that I like to go back through and look at old pictures.

Like this...

This blurry picture is the first time I held my first child.  He was almost 2 weeks old.  I still remember exactly what I was wearing and how it felt like I wasn't holding anything at all.

This is the day he finally broke the 4 pound mark.  See how big his pants are?  They were preemie sized.  His poor little head was so misshapen; they called him toaster head at the pediatrician's office.

After Spencer came home from the NICU, my sister, who lived with us until Spencer was 3, was a huge help.  Jake was still deployed and I was beat.  She took over for me this morning so I could go pump.  I love this picture of them.

One day, we're going to play a game of "Spencer or Fin."  I'm amazed at how much those two look alike.  These were taken by a high school classmate of mine, Kyle McLaughlin, for Spencer's first birthday.

Fin's version is just a bit more chunky.

One of the most fun things that I've ever done is the road trip I took with Spencer when he was two.  We went to St. Louis, Indianapolis, Washington D.C., Roanoke, and Nashville.  Basically a big circle.  While we were there, Spencer, who was very newly 2, was in the midst of his obsessive stroller pushing phase.

At Grant's Farm in St. Louis

On the hotel balcony in Indianapolis

At the Lincoln Memorial

Going to get it at the Iwo Jima Memorial

Finally consented to ride due to exhaustion.

For Halloween that year, Spencer wanted to be Elmo.  He was so excited.  Then I pulled the costume (which was $60 b/c I forgot to order it and had to overnight it) out of the box and he was terrified.  Once we convinced him to put it on he was fine, but it was sheer terror up to that point.

He was much more pleasant the next year when he was a "big wide mouth frog."

Ugliest costume ever? Perhaps.

37 weeks pregnant with Jack, I loved every minute.

What can I say about Jack?

He's going to be a person all his own, I can tell.

He isn't a risk taker.

He is, however, fiercely opinionated.  When he doesn't get his way and he cries, he is so loud that you want to do whatever you can to MAKE IT STOP.  He rules through terror.

But he is also a lover.  He mainly loves his daddy with me coming in a good second.

39 weeks pregnant with Fin and the reason I'll eventually need a tummy tuck.

Poor Fin.  Spencer has 2 albums with almost 300 pictures.  Jack has one album with roughly 100 pictures.  Fin's album has 7 pictures in it.  I'm going to work on that.

Fin is still figuring out who he is.

He's a lot more laid back than Jack ever thought about being as a baby.

He'll let strangers talk to him, which is really nice.

I'll tell you one thing, though, this kid will be my daredevil.

And now I'm tired.

While I Was Out...

One day in February, Jake and I were sitting at our computer, at our only computer, working on our budget.  As we were hashing things out, and occasionally freaking out, a little 23 month old boy crawled over and pushed the power button.  The computer went dark.

When Jake tried to turn it back on, we got the blue screen of death.  A lot of people think black is the color of death, but I'm here to tell you, the color of death is blue.

Many thanks to Jake's brother, who got our computer running again.

Just as I was about to get into the hang of blogging again, Fin spilled a beer all over our keyboard (that was Jake's story, anyway).  Now the keys stick something fierce, so if I end up typing a whole bunch of letters in a row or something, you know why.  I have beer-keys.

So while I was out, we had a lot going on.

1. Jack turned 2!

Now that I've had all my children, Jack's birth is going to go down as my favorite.  Well, as favorite as something like that can be.  So I was happy to celebrate having him around for another year.

He is really a character.  He doesn't talk much, in fact he talks VERY little, but he understands every word out of your mouth and has developed his own little sign language to get his needs met just fine thankyouverymuch.  He doesn't scream at strangers anymore.  In fact, at the grocery store last week he waved at every single person we passed.  Literally.  And he was wearing cowboy boots and a train hat while he did it.  Cuteness overload.

That means "2."

2. Fin got mobile.

I'm not sure that Fin was doing anything besides sitting around looking cute as of my last post.  My how things change.

It seemed like he went from doing nothing to doing everything at once.  Several weeks after he learned to roll over, he started working on crawling.  When he started crawling, he pulled up for the first time in the same week.  He took his first steps in his 8th month and was walking full time two weeks later.

Both the other boys walked right around the year mark, so for Fin to start walking so much earlier is such a strange thing for me.  I mean, he's a baby still!

My mover and shaker on the beach (which he hated) last month.

3. Spencer finished Kindergarten.

How is that even possible?

How did this:

Turn in to this:

???

That is a first day and last day of school comparison shot there.  In the first he looks so shy and uncertain.  He just looks like a brat who didn't want his picture taken in the second.  I caught him at a relatively good spot between him yelling, "No Mommy, I hate pictures! Don't take my picture!"

But he was promoted to first grade and that's what is important.  Today he asked when he would have to go and I told him in a month and he freaked out.  My biggest hope is that the beginning of first grade won't be what the beginning of Kindy was for him.

4. Jake got a new love in his life.


That would be his new shiny, big, so tall that I have to jump to get in it, company truck.  I don't have any pictures to offer you of that, but I'm sure I could dump his phone and find a few.

I guess he got two new loves as, now that he's got a big truck, he's been going fishing a lot.  Which is fine with me b/c we struck a deal that said once he's gone fishing five times, I get a night alone in a hotel.  Sweet deal.


I guess those are all the really big things.

Hopefully I can get back in the swing of things and keep blogging on my radar.  We'll see.

Terrorists

I'm not a fan of terrorists.  (Please note that government agent who is reading this: I don't like them!)

I don't like the terrorists that blow up buildings and I don't like the kind that make my life difficult through acts of terrorism.

Lately, there has been a terrorist in my life, controlling me through excessive tantruming and screaming.  I have a picture of him.  Hold on and I'll show you...

Although, at this point, his face is clean and his hair has been cut.

I'm sure that it sucks to be a pre-verbal toddler.  I assume that you have all these pent up thoughts and wants and words inside you and you just can't make your mouth move the right way to tell someone about it.  I'm almost positive that it is frustration that leads to some of the tantruming.

I'm here to tell you, it sucks to be the parent of a pre-verbal toddler as well.  It is constant vigilance and, occasionally, surrender to the tantruming party.

But some of his tantrums are simply caused by the fact that he emerged from my body knowing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted and from a very early age, he has worked to get it.

I'm a big believer that I, as his mother, am responsible for teaching him how to deal with big emotions.  Punishing him for having them probably wouldn't do anything but teach him to bottle them up and not share them with me, which I would think could have far reaching implications when he's older.  So we talk.  And talk. And talk.  And I try to help him label his big emotions and  process his anger or sadness or disappointment so that, when he becomes verbal, he can look at me and say, "Mommy, I'm angry!"

Or, you know, "Mommy, I hate you!"  Whatever.

Walters' Family Terminology

We use a lot of code around here.  Today I was talking to a co-worker and I used one of our phrases and she looked at me strangely.  It took me a minute to figure out that I had thrown a term in there and she had no clue what I was talking about.  So it got me thinking about all the things we say that are our "code."

One: This is what we sometimes call Spencer.

Two: Jack

Three: Fin

The bigs: Spencer and Jack

The littles: Jack and Fin (my poor Jack, always stuck in the middle)

Winka: Spencer

Tuna Roona: Jack

Finna: Fin

Skank-muffin: What Jake sometimes calls me when he sees me come out wearing some article of his clothing.  I like to think this means, "Oh dear wife! You look so adorable when you wear my things!"  Jake said that's not an accurate description.  Judging by the way he tends to be shooting daggers at me when he says it, he may be telling the truth.

Kentucky Fried Chicken: Rice Krispy Treats.  On Tuesday, during our snow day, I made rice krispy treats.  By the time dinner rolled around, they were gone.  Jake, with a look of indignation on his face, said, "I can't believe you guys ate all the Kentucky Fried Chicken already!  I barely even got some!"  I was SO confused.  I can't remember the last time we had KFC in the house.  It didn't even register to Jake that he had said Kentucky Fried Chicken until he saw the perplexed look on my face.  Then he corrected himself, "I meant rice krispy treats." And from that day forward, rice krispy treats became known as Kentucky Fried Chicken.

This: As in, "Take this baby from me before I go insane."

Eatin' spaghetti: What you say when someone asks you what you are doing when it is really obvious what you are doing.

To the gypsies!: Where I tell the bigs I'm going to send them when they're being naughty.

THE LIST: The compilation of people, both male and female, that we'd allow the other party to stray for.  THE LIST is primarily made up of celebrities.

Mommy/Daddy Fun Time: The time between when the kids go to bed and when the adults go to bed.

Sunshine: Any horse.  My grandmother has a horse named Sunshine and as soon as Jack learned to say it (which sounds something like Rye-Rye), all horses were bequeathed with that name.

The stinkers: Poop.

Bee Boo: Belly button.

Beards: Beer.  We have Spencer's slight speech impediment to thank for that one.

There is your Walters' lexicon.  No more perplexed looks allowed.

Easily Forgotten, Easily Remembered

I have reached the point in my journey as Spencer's mother that I don't think about his early arrival every day anymore.  His NICU scars, and there are plenty, are just another part of him and although I can remember, acutely, if I want to, why they are there, I typically don't.  His early arrival will always be with me, but in the last few years that I've been in the trenches raising two full term and healthy boys, things have gotten pushed back into the recesses of my mind.  They just don't surface too often these days.


Someone posted a link to this, however, and it is amazing to me how something like this can cause a flood of memories.



I cried.  Because, even though the song is cute and upbeat, the sights and sounds and smells hit me in the face like they'd been waiting to do it the last two years.

I worked very hard to be stoic during Spencer's NICU stay.  Jake always says that we Howard girls (referring to me and my two sisters) are stones under pressure but will weep copiously over little things, and he's right.  It feels a lot safer to me to process some of the things relating to his birth now that not only am I a safe distance from it, but I've also had two big babies naturally at home.

I think I'll always be processing.  Maybe that is the nature of the thing.

How did I get so lucky?

I love my job.

Love.

Love, love, loveity love.

I don't think I could've imagined a smoother first week.

Jack and Fin did great with Kibbin.  Jack only cried one day and I'm pretty sure that is b/c I put him into her car instead of walking him into her house (her driveway is long, hilly, and rocky and with the snow we got, I just didn't trust my car to make it).  I'm pumping enough for Fin each day and he's taking the bottle with no issue.  Spencer was out of school two days last week, but he went to Cynthia's house the other three and did just fine.  And on that note, he's actually going to get to ride the bus to the library each day and hang out with me until Jake comes to get him from now on.

Job wise, I love what I'm doing.  A lot of it is just creative, brainstorming type stuff, coming up with events for the teens to do.  I worked on a huge book order this week and we have just under 200 books coming in to our section soon.  My next order will be playaways and then DVDs.  I'm also working on getting the gaming system set up.  I have an awesome budget to do it with and it is going to be a really great attraction once I get it going.

Like I said, love.

Here's To New Beginnings

I feel like I'm starting a whole new chapter in my life, and it is bittersweet.

My last day at Mother's Day Out was Thursday and I'm so sad to leave.  I've been very lucky that I have been sad to leave many of the jobs that I've had.  Even though I was sick of teaching when I left North Little Rock in 2008, I was still sad to go. (And really I wasn't sick of teaching so much as I was sick of naughty kids, LOL.)  I was sad to leave the Even Start program before that.

But this is a different kind of sad.  The women that worked with me at MDO are seriously one in a million.  They weren't just my co-workers, they really became my friends.  It was such a family friendly place to work and, as any working mother knows, that makes a huge difference in your attitude.

It is also bittersweet b/c I'll be leaving 2/3 of my children for the first time.  Little Fin, well, he probably won't really know the difference.  He sleeps so much of the afternoon that he'll probably only be awake half the time that he's with the sitter (who is my awesome friend, Kibbin).

But Jack, that is where the bulk of my anxiety lies.  Jack knows Kibbin.  He's been to her house many times for play dates.  But he is not a fan of being left unless it is with three people: my grandmother, Jake's mother, and his daddy (who is probably Jack's favorite person in the world).

I know he'll be fine.  He'll cry for 5 minutes and then go play with Cole and Ty, Kibbin's kids.  I'm sure he'll have a blast.  But I sure hate to rock his little world like this.  It makes me feel bad.

On Friday, I went and turned all my new hire paper work in.  The woman who took it, Deeta, was so very nice.  She gave me all my keys and took me on a tour of the library.  You know, all the stuff that patrons aren't privy to.  The facility is so nice.  I mean, I knew that as someone who uses the library, but once you get back into it it is even more impressive.

I got to go into my office and poke around.  I have an attached storage room that is going to be perfect for pumping.  No one even batted an eye when I said I'd need to, which is great.

Everyone I met was super nice and they all expressed excitement in getting to work with me.  I'm excited too!  I just hope I can live up to their expectations.

Today is my first day.  Wish me luck!

Snow Day

I have to say, I'm a bit perplexed by this season's snow offerings.  This is my third winter here and it is the first time that not only have we NOT gotten snow in December (like, at all), but the Little Rock area got snow before us.  Weird.

Poor Spencer, he's been asking when the snow would be here since November.  And we told him in December.  But December came and went with no snow to be had.  So when we got an inch (a whole inch!) on Sunday night, he was thrilled.  And, for whatever reason, they canceled school on Monday, so he couldn't wait to get out and play.  I'm pretty sure he was having dreams of snow ice cream and building snow men, but what materialized wasn't quite as majestic.

I think he forgot snow is cold.

"Mommy, I'm cold!"

Yes, Mother-of-the-Year over here didn't put him in gloves/mittens.  We've lost one from last year's set and I wasn't fully convinced we'd get anything worth phoning home about, so I didn't pick up a new set.  On a bright note, the hat I made for Jake last year finally found a home on Spencer's head.

Jack was having a pretty good time, though.

That is, until he fell.

Please note that these pictures were taken from the comfort of our bonus room with my camera lens stuck out the sliding glass door.

The Day That Jack Had Hair Like That Guy From The Cure

Seriously.

Adventures in Baking: My Birthday Cake

Happy birthday to me!  I turned the big 28 this week.  I simply cannot believe how close I am to 30.  I remember, when my youngest sister was born, thinking to myself, "I'll be 30 when she graduates from high school!  That's so old!"  Well, 30 is now breathing down my neck and it doesn't seem so old any more.  Funny how that happens.

Anyway, I haven't had a birthday cake in years.  Partially b/c I'm a perpetual dieter, but partially b/c, well, I don't really know why.  But this year I wanted one.  Specifically something strawberry shortcake like.

I had some heavy whipping cream and a box of french vanilla cake mix hanging out, so I thought I'd use those.  I ran to the store and grabbed a box of strawberries, so obviously out of season with their $5 price tag.  Ouch.

I also wanted my cake to be kind of fancy and, to me, a layer cake is always fancy.  I'm high class, you know.

So into the oven my two round cake pans went, and out came this:

Poor Spencer was beside himself with anticipation.  So much so that, once I turned them out to cool, I came back to a mysterious little hole in the side of one.  Wonder how that happened.

I mixed up the whipping cream with some sugar and a touch of vanilla (the real stuff only, no imitation in this house).  I used to hate whipping the whipping cream, but my new mixer has really made things easy.  Love it.

I placed one cake on a plate, put a layer of my grandmother's strawberry jam down (yum, she should really sell that stuff), a layer of whipped cream, another cake, another layer of whipped cream, and then placed strawberries around the edge on the top.

 

 

Yummy

This is some serious goodness.

As thrilled as Spencer was about this cake, I don't think he really liked it too much.  He ate maybe half a piece and hasn't asked for another.

I love it, though.  My waistline will be happy when it is all gone.

The Last of the Firsts

Tonight, Fin rolled over for the first time.  My first thought was, "Its all over now!  The mobility has begun!"  But my second was, "This is the last time I'll have a baby to experience these firsts with."

That isn't to say that we don't still have firsts left.  All the boys do.  Fin will probably start experiencing them in rapid succession soon.  And of course we have first days of Kindergarten left (may they be better than Spencer's, please!), first days of middle school, first days of (*weep*) high school.  Graduations.  Weddings.

Ok, I better stop there before I really upset myself.

But my baby firsts are numbered.  Very numbered.  And I'll never get to experience them as a mother again.

That makes me sad.

It feels very strange to me, the fact that I know I'll never have another baby.  I can't say that I'm sad about it, at least not the majority of the time.  I'd say that 51% of the time I'm happy to be done and think that our family feels very complete.  Those are usually the days when we are all still in our pajamas at 2 pm b/c the boys are so wild or when I was up half the night with someone who was sick or simply refusing to sleep.  I still want to make the sign of the cross thinking about this time last year when Jack was up, literally, hourly to nurse.

Days like today, though, fall into the 49% when I think I'd have 10 babies if Jake would let me.  We were still in our pjs at 2 pm, but it was b/c we were having a lazy day.  Spencer and Jack were playing fairly well together.  They watched a movie.  Fin was super pleasant, even taking a passie and putting himself down for his nap.  I sat at the computer, drinking a cup of tea and browsing a Hunger Games forum (don't judge me).  We went to the store where everyone was quite well behaved and happy.  Jack even put himself to sleep without someone laying down with him for the second night in a row (please, God, let that continue, Amen.).

I think that with time, maybe, I'll feel "done" all the time.  Once everyone is out of diapers and I can sleep in on a Saturday morning.  Or when I get to sleep all night without someone trying to nurse or climb into bed with me. Or when they are big enough to go stay with grandma so Jake and I can take a nice adult vacation. Maybe then.

Opportunity

Living where I live, the opportunity to work in my field (secondary education) doesn't often present itself.  I think in the almost three years that I've lived here, I've seen one job opening for a junior high social studies position.  The big district here has had several opening in the social studies, but they all had coaching attachments so I was never even called to interview.

When we first moved here in 2008, I was pretty sure I never wanted to go back to teaching, but over time I discovered that I really missed working in a professional field.  I started pondering the idea of going back to work full time when Jack was about 6 months old, but pondering doesn't get you a job.

I've been working part time at our local Mother's Day Out program almost as long as I've lived here and I've loved pretty much every minute of it.  It has been a job that allowed me to meet people in a town where it wouldn't have been very easy to do so otherwise.  I met two of my closest friends there.  My boss is amazing and doesn't blink an eye when you have a sick kid and have to stay home, even when you only work two days a week and have one kiddo sick on Thursday and the other sick on Monday.

Even so, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted to work in my field.

In an attempt to springboard off of my education degree, I decided about six months ago that I wanted to pursue my master's degree in library and information science.  I found a great program at the University of North Texas that is all online and started readying myself to apply, although I knew I wouldn't be able to start until Fall '11.  If I couldn't be actively working in my field, this was a great other option.

Then, God stepped in.

A few weeks ago, I was browsing our local classifieds online.  For some reason, the listings were all jumbled that day and the employment section was full of car advertisements.  If I clicked on a field, like education, though, the true job listings would pop up.

The middle listing of the three was an ad stating that the county library, the brand new, state of the art, amazing county library, was looking for a teen librarian.  I couldn't get my resume together fast enough.

But I was worried.  I'm not a true librarian.  I don't have an MLS degree.  All I've been is a teacher.  I've never even worked in a library beyond my "library aid" duties in the seventh grade.

I submitted my resume anyway and, two days later, was granted a job interview.  A week later, I was invited to attend a second interview.  A week and a half after that, I was offered the position.

Excited doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about this job.  I think it will be stimulating and fun and absolutely perfect.  I can't wait to jump into it, feet first.

January 17th, here I come.