Easily Forgotten, Easily Remembered

I have reached the point in my journey as Spencer's mother that I don't think about his early arrival every day anymore.  His NICU scars, and there are plenty, are just another part of him and although I can remember, acutely, if I want to, why they are there, I typically don't.  His early arrival will always be with me, but in the last few years that I've been in the trenches raising two full term and healthy boys, things have gotten pushed back into the recesses of my mind.  They just don't surface too often these days.


Someone posted a link to this, however, and it is amazing to me how something like this can cause a flood of memories.



I cried.  Because, even though the song is cute and upbeat, the sights and sounds and smells hit me in the face like they'd been waiting to do it the last two years.

I worked very hard to be stoic during Spencer's NICU stay.  Jake always says that we Howard girls (referring to me and my two sisters) are stones under pressure but will weep copiously over little things, and he's right.  It feels a lot safer to me to process some of the things relating to his birth now that not only am I a safe distance from it, but I've also had two big babies naturally at home.

I think I'll always be processing.  Maybe that is the nature of the thing.

How did I get so lucky?

I love my job.

Love.

Love, love, loveity love.

I don't think I could've imagined a smoother first week.

Jack and Fin did great with Kibbin.  Jack only cried one day and I'm pretty sure that is b/c I put him into her car instead of walking him into her house (her driveway is long, hilly, and rocky and with the snow we got, I just didn't trust my car to make it).  I'm pumping enough for Fin each day and he's taking the bottle with no issue.  Spencer was out of school two days last week, but he went to Cynthia's house the other three and did just fine.  And on that note, he's actually going to get to ride the bus to the library each day and hang out with me until Jake comes to get him from now on.

Job wise, I love what I'm doing.  A lot of it is just creative, brainstorming type stuff, coming up with events for the teens to do.  I worked on a huge book order this week and we have just under 200 books coming in to our section soon.  My next order will be playaways and then DVDs.  I'm also working on getting the gaming system set up.  I have an awesome budget to do it with and it is going to be a really great attraction once I get it going.

Like I said, love.

Here's To New Beginnings

I feel like I'm starting a whole new chapter in my life, and it is bittersweet.

My last day at Mother's Day Out was Thursday and I'm so sad to leave.  I've been very lucky that I have been sad to leave many of the jobs that I've had.  Even though I was sick of teaching when I left North Little Rock in 2008, I was still sad to go. (And really I wasn't sick of teaching so much as I was sick of naughty kids, LOL.)  I was sad to leave the Even Start program before that.

But this is a different kind of sad.  The women that worked with me at MDO are seriously one in a million.  They weren't just my co-workers, they really became my friends.  It was such a family friendly place to work and, as any working mother knows, that makes a huge difference in your attitude.

It is also bittersweet b/c I'll be leaving 2/3 of my children for the first time.  Little Fin, well, he probably won't really know the difference.  He sleeps so much of the afternoon that he'll probably only be awake half the time that he's with the sitter (who is my awesome friend, Kibbin).

But Jack, that is where the bulk of my anxiety lies.  Jack knows Kibbin.  He's been to her house many times for play dates.  But he is not a fan of being left unless it is with three people: my grandmother, Jake's mother, and his daddy (who is probably Jack's favorite person in the world).

I know he'll be fine.  He'll cry for 5 minutes and then go play with Cole and Ty, Kibbin's kids.  I'm sure he'll have a blast.  But I sure hate to rock his little world like this.  It makes me feel bad.

On Friday, I went and turned all my new hire paper work in.  The woman who took it, Deeta, was so very nice.  She gave me all my keys and took me on a tour of the library.  You know, all the stuff that patrons aren't privy to.  The facility is so nice.  I mean, I knew that as someone who uses the library, but once you get back into it it is even more impressive.

I got to go into my office and poke around.  I have an attached storage room that is going to be perfect for pumping.  No one even batted an eye when I said I'd need to, which is great.

Everyone I met was super nice and they all expressed excitement in getting to work with me.  I'm excited too!  I just hope I can live up to their expectations.

Today is my first day.  Wish me luck!

Snow Day

I have to say, I'm a bit perplexed by this season's snow offerings.  This is my third winter here and it is the first time that not only have we NOT gotten snow in December (like, at all), but the Little Rock area got snow before us.  Weird.

Poor Spencer, he's been asking when the snow would be here since November.  And we told him in December.  But December came and went with no snow to be had.  So when we got an inch (a whole inch!) on Sunday night, he was thrilled.  And, for whatever reason, they canceled school on Monday, so he couldn't wait to get out and play.  I'm pretty sure he was having dreams of snow ice cream and building snow men, but what materialized wasn't quite as majestic.

I think he forgot snow is cold.

"Mommy, I'm cold!"

Yes, Mother-of-the-Year over here didn't put him in gloves/mittens.  We've lost one from last year's set and I wasn't fully convinced we'd get anything worth phoning home about, so I didn't pick up a new set.  On a bright note, the hat I made for Jake last year finally found a home on Spencer's head.

Jack was having a pretty good time, though.

That is, until he fell.

Please note that these pictures were taken from the comfort of our bonus room with my camera lens stuck out the sliding glass door.

The Day That Jack Had Hair Like That Guy From The Cure

Seriously.

Adventures in Baking: My Birthday Cake

Happy birthday to me!  I turned the big 28 this week.  I simply cannot believe how close I am to 30.  I remember, when my youngest sister was born, thinking to myself, "I'll be 30 when she graduates from high school!  That's so old!"  Well, 30 is now breathing down my neck and it doesn't seem so old any more.  Funny how that happens.

Anyway, I haven't had a birthday cake in years.  Partially b/c I'm a perpetual dieter, but partially b/c, well, I don't really know why.  But this year I wanted one.  Specifically something strawberry shortcake like.

I had some heavy whipping cream and a box of french vanilla cake mix hanging out, so I thought I'd use those.  I ran to the store and grabbed a box of strawberries, so obviously out of season with their $5 price tag.  Ouch.

I also wanted my cake to be kind of fancy and, to me, a layer cake is always fancy.  I'm high class, you know.

So into the oven my two round cake pans went, and out came this:

Poor Spencer was beside himself with anticipation.  So much so that, once I turned them out to cool, I came back to a mysterious little hole in the side of one.  Wonder how that happened.

I mixed up the whipping cream with some sugar and a touch of vanilla (the real stuff only, no imitation in this house).  I used to hate whipping the whipping cream, but my new mixer has really made things easy.  Love it.

I placed one cake on a plate, put a layer of my grandmother's strawberry jam down (yum, she should really sell that stuff), a layer of whipped cream, another cake, another layer of whipped cream, and then placed strawberries around the edge on the top.

 

 

Yummy

This is some serious goodness.

As thrilled as Spencer was about this cake, I don't think he really liked it too much.  He ate maybe half a piece and hasn't asked for another.

I love it, though.  My waistline will be happy when it is all gone.

The Last of the Firsts

Tonight, Fin rolled over for the first time.  My first thought was, "Its all over now!  The mobility has begun!"  But my second was, "This is the last time I'll have a baby to experience these firsts with."

That isn't to say that we don't still have firsts left.  All the boys do.  Fin will probably start experiencing them in rapid succession soon.  And of course we have first days of Kindergarten left (may they be better than Spencer's, please!), first days of middle school, first days of (*weep*) high school.  Graduations.  Weddings.

Ok, I better stop there before I really upset myself.

But my baby firsts are numbered.  Very numbered.  And I'll never get to experience them as a mother again.

That makes me sad.

It feels very strange to me, the fact that I know I'll never have another baby.  I can't say that I'm sad about it, at least not the majority of the time.  I'd say that 51% of the time I'm happy to be done and think that our family feels very complete.  Those are usually the days when we are all still in our pajamas at 2 pm b/c the boys are so wild or when I was up half the night with someone who was sick or simply refusing to sleep.  I still want to make the sign of the cross thinking about this time last year when Jack was up, literally, hourly to nurse.

Days like today, though, fall into the 49% when I think I'd have 10 babies if Jake would let me.  We were still in our pjs at 2 pm, but it was b/c we were having a lazy day.  Spencer and Jack were playing fairly well together.  They watched a movie.  Fin was super pleasant, even taking a passie and putting himself down for his nap.  I sat at the computer, drinking a cup of tea and browsing a Hunger Games forum (don't judge me).  We went to the store where everyone was quite well behaved and happy.  Jack even put himself to sleep without someone laying down with him for the second night in a row (please, God, let that continue, Amen.).

I think that with time, maybe, I'll feel "done" all the time.  Once everyone is out of diapers and I can sleep in on a Saturday morning.  Or when I get to sleep all night without someone trying to nurse or climb into bed with me. Or when they are big enough to go stay with grandma so Jake and I can take a nice adult vacation. Maybe then.

Opportunity

Living where I live, the opportunity to work in my field (secondary education) doesn't often present itself.  I think in the almost three years that I've lived here, I've seen one job opening for a junior high social studies position.  The big district here has had several opening in the social studies, but they all had coaching attachments so I was never even called to interview.

When we first moved here in 2008, I was pretty sure I never wanted to go back to teaching, but over time I discovered that I really missed working in a professional field.  I started pondering the idea of going back to work full time when Jack was about 6 months old, but pondering doesn't get you a job.

I've been working part time at our local Mother's Day Out program almost as long as I've lived here and I've loved pretty much every minute of it.  It has been a job that allowed me to meet people in a town where it wouldn't have been very easy to do so otherwise.  I met two of my closest friends there.  My boss is amazing and doesn't blink an eye when you have a sick kid and have to stay home, even when you only work two days a week and have one kiddo sick on Thursday and the other sick on Monday.

Even so, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted to work in my field.

In an attempt to springboard off of my education degree, I decided about six months ago that I wanted to pursue my master's degree in library and information science.  I found a great program at the University of North Texas that is all online and started readying myself to apply, although I knew I wouldn't be able to start until Fall '11.  If I couldn't be actively working in my field, this was a great other option.

Then, God stepped in.

A few weeks ago, I was browsing our local classifieds online.  For some reason, the listings were all jumbled that day and the employment section was full of car advertisements.  If I clicked on a field, like education, though, the true job listings would pop up.

The middle listing of the three was an ad stating that the county library, the brand new, state of the art, amazing county library, was looking for a teen librarian.  I couldn't get my resume together fast enough.

But I was worried.  I'm not a true librarian.  I don't have an MLS degree.  All I've been is a teacher.  I've never even worked in a library beyond my "library aid" duties in the seventh grade.

I submitted my resume anyway and, two days later, was granted a job interview.  A week later, I was invited to attend a second interview.  A week and a half after that, I was offered the position.

Excited doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about this job.  I think it will be stimulating and fun and absolutely perfect.  I can't wait to jump into it, feet first.

January 17th, here I come.