Easily Forgotten, Easily Remembered

I have reached the point in my journey as Spencer's mother that I don't think about his early arrival every day anymore.  His NICU scars, and there are plenty, are just another part of him and although I can remember, acutely, if I want to, why they are there, I typically don't.  His early arrival will always be with me, but in the last few years that I've been in the trenches raising two full term and healthy boys, things have gotten pushed back into the recesses of my mind.  They just don't surface too often these days.


Someone posted a link to this, however, and it is amazing to me how something like this can cause a flood of memories.



I cried.  Because, even though the song is cute and upbeat, the sights and sounds and smells hit me in the face like they'd been waiting to do it the last two years.

I worked very hard to be stoic during Spencer's NICU stay.  Jake always says that we Howard girls (referring to me and my two sisters) are stones under pressure but will weep copiously over little things, and he's right.  It feels a lot safer to me to process some of the things relating to his birth now that not only am I a safe distance from it, but I've also had two big babies naturally at home.

I think I'll always be processing.  Maybe that is the nature of the thing.