Dear Ms. Spider,

I want to take a moment to formally apologize for sucking you up in my vacuum cleaner yesterday afternoon. I feel like I should explain seeing as how I not only allowed you to live in the window above our computer all summer, but I lobbied my husband several times not to squish you.

You see, we had a fly issue this summer. We moved the dog food outside the back patio door which brought the flies (and in one instance, a very unlucky possum) in droves. This wouldn't be a big issue if I didn't have children. They have this really annoying habit of going in and out doors, specifically our patio door, and leaving it open. And the dog destroyed the screen many moons ago, so we don't even have that option. Although, honestly, I think the boys would've left that open anyway too.

So I wanted you to be able to hang out, both metaphorically and literally, to help curb the fly problem. And let me take this moment to say what a bang up job you did. When I vacuumed up you and your impressive web yesterday, I also vacuumed up a ton of fly carcasses. So well done, Ms. Spider! I commend you!

My dear husband pointed out that you looked like you were about to lay eggs, though. And while I am appreciative of the job you did this summer, I can't make room for hundreds of spiders in my house. I barely have room for the 4 (soon to be 5) humans, 5 animals, and all our stuff. We didn't think out this two bedroom thing very well, obviously.

So, sorry. May you have speedy passage into the next spider life.

Regretful,

Mandy