Feeling the Burn

Last week, I had the most fabulous daydream and it has been recurring ever since.

In this daydream, I am alone and it is silent. I sleep all night and sleep late in the mornings. I feel rested and the bags and dark circles under my eyes were magically gone.

It doesn't take a genius to know that I would be sans kids in this daydream. The bottom line? I am burned out.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids with every fiber of my being. But it is kind of like being on an airplane when the little oxygen face masks pop down from the ceiling: you have to put your own mask on first before you put the masks on your children. There is only so long that I can give before I need to take a bit (or a lot).

Hence, my trip to Seattle that I'm embarking on tomorrow. After over a year of not sleeping through the night, of nursing day and night, of hauling kids in and out of car seats, grocery stores, and restaurants, I just need a bit of time for me.

That isn't to say that I never get any time for me as things stand now. Jake is great about being around so I can get out of the house to see a movie or something. I'd probably go a lot more often if we had a decent bookstore or coffee spot that was open past 6. But I was still coming home and not sleeping all night. Let me tell you, sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason.

So I'm going to Seattle tomorrow. And I'm going to drive to the ocean and sit in the sand and listen to the waves in the quiet. I can't wait.