Terrorists

I'm not a fan of terrorists.  (Please note that government agent who is reading this: I don't like them!)

I don't like the terrorists that blow up buildings and I don't like the kind that make my life difficult through acts of terrorism.

Lately, there has been a terrorist in my life, controlling me through excessive tantruming and screaming.  I have a picture of him.  Hold on and I'll show you...

Although, at this point, his face is clean and his hair has been cut.

I'm sure that it sucks to be a pre-verbal toddler.  I assume that you have all these pent up thoughts and wants and words inside you and you just can't make your mouth move the right way to tell someone about it.  I'm almost positive that it is frustration that leads to some of the tantruming.

I'm here to tell you, it sucks to be the parent of a pre-verbal toddler as well.  It is constant vigilance and, occasionally, surrender to the tantruming party.

But some of his tantrums are simply caused by the fact that he emerged from my body knowing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted and from a very early age, he has worked to get it.

I'm a big believer that I, as his mother, am responsible for teaching him how to deal with big emotions.  Punishing him for having them probably wouldn't do anything but teach him to bottle them up and not share them with me, which I would think could have far reaching implications when he's older.  So we talk.  And talk. And talk.  And I try to help him label his big emotions and  process his anger or sadness or disappointment so that, when he becomes verbal, he can look at me and say, "Mommy, I'm angry!"

Or, you know, "Mommy, I hate you!"  Whatever.

Walters' Family Terminology

We use a lot of code around here.  Today I was talking to a co-worker and I used one of our phrases and she looked at me strangely.  It took me a minute to figure out that I had thrown a term in there and she had no clue what I was talking about.  So it got me thinking about all the things we say that are our "code."

One: This is what we sometimes call Spencer.

Two: Jack

Three: Fin

The bigs: Spencer and Jack

The littles: Jack and Fin (my poor Jack, always stuck in the middle)

Winka: Spencer

Tuna Roona: Jack

Finna: Fin

Skank-muffin: What Jake sometimes calls me when he sees me come out wearing some article of his clothing.  I like to think this means, "Oh dear wife! You look so adorable when you wear my things!"  Jake said that's not an accurate description.  Judging by the way he tends to be shooting daggers at me when he says it, he may be telling the truth.

Kentucky Fried Chicken: Rice Krispy Treats.  On Tuesday, during our snow day, I made rice krispy treats.  By the time dinner rolled around, they were gone.  Jake, with a look of indignation on his face, said, "I can't believe you guys ate all the Kentucky Fried Chicken already!  I barely even got some!"  I was SO confused.  I can't remember the last time we had KFC in the house.  It didn't even register to Jake that he had said Kentucky Fried Chicken until he saw the perplexed look on my face.  Then he corrected himself, "I meant rice krispy treats." And from that day forward, rice krispy treats became known as Kentucky Fried Chicken.

This: As in, "Take this baby from me before I go insane."

Eatin' spaghetti: What you say when someone asks you what you are doing when it is really obvious what you are doing.

To the gypsies!: Where I tell the bigs I'm going to send them when they're being naughty.

THE LIST: The compilation of people, both male and female, that we'd allow the other party to stray for.  THE LIST is primarily made up of celebrities.

Mommy/Daddy Fun Time: The time between when the kids go to bed and when the adults go to bed.

Sunshine: Any horse.  My grandmother has a horse named Sunshine and as soon as Jack learned to say it (which sounds something like Rye-Rye), all horses were bequeathed with that name.

The stinkers: Poop.

Bee Boo: Belly button.

Beards: Beer.  We have Spencer's slight speech impediment to thank for that one.

There is your Walters' lexicon.  No more perplexed looks allowed.

Easily Forgotten, Easily Remembered

I have reached the point in my journey as Spencer's mother that I don't think about his early arrival every day anymore.  His NICU scars, and there are plenty, are just another part of him and although I can remember, acutely, if I want to, why they are there, I typically don't.  His early arrival will always be with me, but in the last few years that I've been in the trenches raising two full term and healthy boys, things have gotten pushed back into the recesses of my mind.  They just don't surface too often these days.


Someone posted a link to this, however, and it is amazing to me how something like this can cause a flood of memories.



I cried.  Because, even though the song is cute and upbeat, the sights and sounds and smells hit me in the face like they'd been waiting to do it the last two years.

I worked very hard to be stoic during Spencer's NICU stay.  Jake always says that we Howard girls (referring to me and my two sisters) are stones under pressure but will weep copiously over little things, and he's right.  It feels a lot safer to me to process some of the things relating to his birth now that not only am I a safe distance from it, but I've also had two big babies naturally at home.

I think I'll always be processing.  Maybe that is the nature of the thing.

How did I get so lucky?

I love my job.

Love.

Love, love, loveity love.

I don't think I could've imagined a smoother first week.

Jack and Fin did great with Kibbin.  Jack only cried one day and I'm pretty sure that is b/c I put him into her car instead of walking him into her house (her driveway is long, hilly, and rocky and with the snow we got, I just didn't trust my car to make it).  I'm pumping enough for Fin each day and he's taking the bottle with no issue.  Spencer was out of school two days last week, but he went to Cynthia's house the other three and did just fine.  And on that note, he's actually going to get to ride the bus to the library each day and hang out with me until Jake comes to get him from now on.

Job wise, I love what I'm doing.  A lot of it is just creative, brainstorming type stuff, coming up with events for the teens to do.  I worked on a huge book order this week and we have just under 200 books coming in to our section soon.  My next order will be playaways and then DVDs.  I'm also working on getting the gaming system set up.  I have an awesome budget to do it with and it is going to be a really great attraction once I get it going.

Like I said, love.

Here's To New Beginnings

I feel like I'm starting a whole new chapter in my life, and it is bittersweet.

My last day at Mother's Day Out was Thursday and I'm so sad to leave.  I've been very lucky that I have been sad to leave many of the jobs that I've had.  Even though I was sick of teaching when I left North Little Rock in 2008, I was still sad to go. (And really I wasn't sick of teaching so much as I was sick of naughty kids, LOL.)  I was sad to leave the Even Start program before that.

But this is a different kind of sad.  The women that worked with me at MDO are seriously one in a million.  They weren't just my co-workers, they really became my friends.  It was such a family friendly place to work and, as any working mother knows, that makes a huge difference in your attitude.

It is also bittersweet b/c I'll be leaving 2/3 of my children for the first time.  Little Fin, well, he probably won't really know the difference.  He sleeps so much of the afternoon that he'll probably only be awake half the time that he's with the sitter (who is my awesome friend, Kibbin).

But Jack, that is where the bulk of my anxiety lies.  Jack knows Kibbin.  He's been to her house many times for play dates.  But he is not a fan of being left unless it is with three people: my grandmother, Jake's mother, and his daddy (who is probably Jack's favorite person in the world).

I know he'll be fine.  He'll cry for 5 minutes and then go play with Cole and Ty, Kibbin's kids.  I'm sure he'll have a blast.  But I sure hate to rock his little world like this.  It makes me feel bad.

On Friday, I went and turned all my new hire paper work in.  The woman who took it, Deeta, was so very nice.  She gave me all my keys and took me on a tour of the library.  You know, all the stuff that patrons aren't privy to.  The facility is so nice.  I mean, I knew that as someone who uses the library, but once you get back into it it is even more impressive.

I got to go into my office and poke around.  I have an attached storage room that is going to be perfect for pumping.  No one even batted an eye when I said I'd need to, which is great.

Everyone I met was super nice and they all expressed excitement in getting to work with me.  I'm excited too!  I just hope I can live up to their expectations.

Today is my first day.  Wish me luck!

Snow Day

I have to say, I'm a bit perplexed by this season's snow offerings.  This is my third winter here and it is the first time that not only have we NOT gotten snow in December (like, at all), but the Little Rock area got snow before us.  Weird.

Poor Spencer, he's been asking when the snow would be here since November.  And we told him in December.  But December came and went with no snow to be had.  So when we got an inch (a whole inch!) on Sunday night, he was thrilled.  And, for whatever reason, they canceled school on Monday, so he couldn't wait to get out and play.  I'm pretty sure he was having dreams of snow ice cream and building snow men, but what materialized wasn't quite as majestic.

I think he forgot snow is cold.

"Mommy, I'm cold!"

Yes, Mother-of-the-Year over here didn't put him in gloves/mittens.  We've lost one from last year's set and I wasn't fully convinced we'd get anything worth phoning home about, so I didn't pick up a new set.  On a bright note, the hat I made for Jake last year finally found a home on Spencer's head.

Jack was having a pretty good time, though.

That is, until he fell.

Please note that these pictures were taken from the comfort of our bonus room with my camera lens stuck out the sliding glass door.

The Day That Jack Had Hair Like That Guy From The Cure

Seriously.