Slow November

As you may have noticed, November was kind of a slow month in my blog-o-sphere. Has there been a month in the past year that I've only done one post in a month? Hmmmm...

Anyway, there really wasn't much to report, until the end of the month anyway. I was out of work a few days with sick kiddos, but other than that we have just been maintaining the status quo.

Toward the end of the month, the boys got H1N1. Well, I guess we're assuming that's what it was. Apparently, docs aren't swabbing for it anymore. They just say, "Well, these look like flu-like symptoms, must be swine flu." Maybe they have magic H1N1 detectors? Who knows.

Jack had it first. He was running a fever and had a snotty nose, so I took him to the doctor, who said it was a cold (this was his second round of fever in about a week and a half). The fever lasted for about 2.5 days and then it was gone. So when Spencer spiked a fever, I just assumed it was the same thing and we went ahead and traveled to Little Rock for the holiday.

But Spencer's fever was persistent and, as the days passed, kept getting higher and higher. But he never really acted sick. He was still playing and having a great time. We took him to an after hours clinic where they diagnosed him with the dreaded swine flu and sent us on our way with a prescription for Tamiflu.

Four days after the fever began, he woke up fever free and stayed that way. "Hooray!" we all shouted. Swine flu defeated! We went to Chuck E. Cheese and Barnes and Noble and had a great time.

The next day, however, he woke up with a fever of 105.3. I'm not typically one to panic over a fever, but that is a high number. In fact, I'd never seen a number that high on a thermometer before. I managed to get an appointment with our old pediatrician in Sherwood, Dr. Miers (who ROCKS! If you are in the Little Rock area, I can't recommend her enough). She took one look and him and ordered blood work and a lung x-ray. Lungs looked good, blood work was crazy, so she directly admitted us to the hospital.

Spencer's blood had basically gone septic. He tested positive for streptococcus pneumoniae, which can cause all kinds of nastiness from sepsis to meningitis. But Dr. M caught it soon enough that the IV antibiotics were able to knock it out pretty well.

He ended up staying in the hospital for about 5 days, including over Thanksgiving.

I'm super grateful for Dr. M, that she was able to catch it. I certainly don't have confidence that our pediatrician here in Mountain Home would have (see the fact that Jack was diagnosed with a cold above. Dr. M said that with Jack being generally healthier than Spencer and breastfed, he probably had it and just kicked it really easily). I certainly wish I could clone her and bring a copy up here.

Hopefully I'll do better blogging in December. :-)

I Have Well Behaved Children.

Go figure, right? With as much complaining as I've been doing about them, I was pretty sure I was raising two demon spawn. I mean, I've got one who screams at most people and is terribly unsocial. The other has so much energy that he tells me he doesn't know how to be still (God speed to his kindy teacher next year). And we had to leave Wal-Mart two weeks ago b/c of a tantrum he was throwing. Like leave the shopping cart in the aisle and get the hell out of there type situation.

But apparently, they are better behaved than other children, especially when we dine out.

We don't go out to eat terribly often; we're much more likely to order take-out these days. About a month or so ago, we were complimented while at Sean's Restaurant as to how good the boys were. A week later, someone at McDonald's complimented me on their behavior. And yesterday, someone at Quiznos' told me how well behaved they were.

It seems to me that they must be pretty well behaved in general, even with what I assume are demon like behaviors that crop up every now and again. I'm going to start trying to focus on the good stuff as opposed to all the little negatives.

November Is Prematurity Awareness Month

Some quick facts...

1. About 13% of babies in the United States are born prematurely (that's more than 500,000 a year), up 36% since the early 1980s.

2. The March of Dimes has concerns that a rise in late preterm births could be because of elective inductions, either for the "convenience" of mother or her doctor (ie- without true medical justification).

3. Prematurity can cause a huge laundry list of problems for babies. Some of these problems may not present themselves until childhood.

(Source: March of Dimes)

Prematurity is not a cause that I have always championed. Once upon a time, I was quite oblivious to all things preemie. I knew there were babies that were born too soon, but because I wasn't directly involved it wasn't something I thought about.

The whole world flipped upside down for me on March 16, 2005. At 20 weeks pregnant, my water broke. Not a leak. Not a trickle. A flood.

When I got to the hospital, they couldn't even get a good reading on Spencer's heart rate because he was too small and still had so much room to maneuver.

"What happens now?" I had asked.

The answer was: we wait. Wait for an infection. Wait for labor. Wait for general fetal demise. Should I develop an infection, we deliver the baby. Should I go into labor, they would not stop its progression. Should fetal demise occur, well... But regardless, until I was 24 weeks pregnant, almost a month away, the NICU couldn't even do anything for him if he was born.

So wait I did, for many long weeks. Jake called me in the hospital daily to fill me in on what they were up to in Iraq. Mom, my grandmother, stopped by with frappuccinos from the Starbucks downstairs. Dara, my sister, stopped in frequently, bringing pictures of the cats, bills, and, at least once a week, some dinner from beyond the hospital cafeteria.

With every week brought my new perinatologist, his ultrasound machine, and a bit of encouragement. Spencer was growing. His body was growing at an appropriate rate, which led us to believe his lungs were developing despite the lack of fluid.

By the time we reached the end of May, I was finally beginning to go stir crazy (my nurses said it usually happened in the 2nd week of hospital bedrest, LOL). I had reached the huge milestone of 30 weeks pregnant, 2 weeks past what my OB and perinatologist had wanted. So when I developed a small placental abruption, the decision was made to proceed with delivery (which was a c-section due to breech presentation).

Spencer was a robust 2 pounds and 14 ounces, a full 10 ounces bigger than estimated via ultrasound, and 15 inches long. He cried in the operating room, but quickly became strained so they intubated him.

This began our NICU journey. Suffice it to say that it felt like 7 years rather than 7 weeks.

Spencer's lungs were underdeveloped and the NICU team had a terrible time keeping his blood oxygen level where it should have been. They had to put him on an oscillating ventilator with nitric oxide (different from nitrous oxide like at the dentist), which can cause brain bleeds. However, things began to move in a positive direction at that point. Three days later, he was able to move to the conventional ventilator and get off the nitric. A mere 2 days after that he was put on the nasal cannula.

Then, something funny happened. At the same time they began feeding him, his tummy just kept getting bigger and bigger. The doctors feared it was necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC), which is a very serious problem with the bowels. He was rushed from Baptist Hospital to Children's, where emergency surgery was preformed.

Turns out it wasn't NEC after all, but that his nurse had poked a hole in his stomach with his feeding tube. I think I should have been upset about that, but the gratitude I felt in the fact that he didn't have NEC outweighed it all.

From this point, Spencer's stay in the NICU was fairly uneventful. He grew and grew, almost doubling his birth weight by the time he was discharged in July. When I took him home, he was 4 pounds and 5.5 ounces.

Every time I look at him, I am reminded of how fortunate I am that he is alive. Every time I think I'm going to go crazy if I hear him tell me about his trains one more time, I think about how many mothers of premature babies didn't get to take their children home.

Because regardless of what the television shows us, prematurity doesn't mean that a baby is simply small. Prematurity is complex and frequently devastating. Simply getting big doesn't solve their problems. And I am grateful for Spencer. Every day.

If I Had To Make A List...

of Jack's likes and dislikes, I think it'd look something like this.

LOVES

1. Mommy
2. Daddy
3. Spencer
4. Breastmilk from the source
5. Grabbing animal fur
6. Echos
7. Ceiling fans
8. Being held/carried

LIKES

1. Mom and Pop
2. Hannah
3. Biting people and things
4. Trying to eat paper
5. Breastmilk from a bottle
6. Making angry noises
7. Going outside and eating sticks/leaves/grass
8. Taking a bath

HATES

1. Most people
2. Loud noises
3. Car rides > 10 minutes
4. Being put down
5. Wearing clothes, especially footie pajamas
6. Taking a nap > 45 minutes
7. Shopping
8. Riding in the stroller/buggy
9. Mommy going anywhere and not including him
10. The sound of the washer and/or dryer while trying to sleep
11. Wind
12. Rain that gets on him
13. Being on his tummy


We're going back to Little Rock today. My hope is that he screams for one hour or less of the trip. Wish me luck.

Things I Wonder...

1. Who complained about our yard? And by yard, I don't mean the large visible space in the front. I mean the small (like 8X3) space on the side that I didn't even realize belonged to us until this summer. That we've never done anything with and that isn't that bad. Do the old people on my block not have anything else to do? Do they not realize that I have two young kids, a job, and a husband that works 60 hours a week (and who really doesn't do the yard anyway)? Come on!

2. Why did the bird have to be dismembered? Was he really not good enough dead? Did you just get a wild hair in you and HAVE to tear half of his little body off? And also, why could you not have done that outside? I really hate finding feathers in strange obscure spaces for days after the fact.

3. WTF are the ants after? I mean, do they have a death wish? Because that is all that will come from them invading my kitchen. It doesn't matter if the counters are dirty or sparkling clean, in come the ants. DIE, ants, DIE!

4. Why haven't I won the million on the McDonald's monopoly game yet? I'm waiting...

5. Why does Jack always pick the best part of my favorite shows to either A) decide it is bedtime or B) wake up and need to be nursed back to sleep? Seriously. I missed the best parts of "Glee" last week.

6. What is the deal with WIC giving so much freaking milk? My family cannot drink over 10 gallons of milk a month, and the fact that they give it to you basically all at once just means it is going to sit in my house and go bad.

Memories I Can't Keep

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. -The Wonder Years

Ok, I just quoted the TV show The Wonder Years. I feel it applies here. ;-)

There are days that I wish I could hold on to every little thing my boys do. I look at Spencer with his shaggy hair (he's recently decided to grow it back out) and I see the way it falls across his eyes. I want to lock that picture away. And the way Jack looks when he is in full on belly laugh mode, with his mouth wide open, showing his two pearly white teeth, eyes closed, and head thrown back. I want to store it for later. And not just the picture of the things, but the feelings behind them. And the situations surrounding them. But I can't.

A few days ago, Jack was nuzzled into my neck and I noticed that, for the first time, he had bedhead. And not just a bit of temporary bedhead, but the kind that you can't just smooth down with your hand. And I realized in that moment how many memories I've lost with the passage of time. I'll probably lose that one eventually.

How much of Spencer's babyhood has left me? I don't remember how he smelled. Or where he was the most ticklish. Or what made him laugh more than anything else. And that's just what I've lost from his first year. What about the way he tottled around when he was just learning to walk? Or the first time he ever gave me a kiss? Or told me he loved me unprovoked? All gone.

This has made me want to hold on to whatever I can get while I can. Jack is still new enough that I remember how he felt, all warm and wet, when he was first placed on my chest. And I remember how his new baby head smelled so good even though we didn't bathe him for a week after his birth.

And I want to cling on to what Spencer is doing with new ferocity. He traced his name all by himself for the first time this week. And he's getting sneaky when he does something he knows he's not supposed to.

I guess the brain is only meant to hold so much. But it kills me that all these little things will leave me over time to be replaced with just the big stuff. I hope its enough.

Week 4 Weigh-In

So this week rounds out my first month on Weight Watchers. As of this morning, I'm down another 2 pounds for a total of 15.6 pounds lost! Love it!